You went through what is probably one of the most difficult experiences of your life. You tried to have a baby through IVF and it didn't work. It's easy to let yourself fall into a pit of despair. But you need to get back up because you are a survivor. You are a fighter. You didn't give up. You tried your best. You come from the toughest stock on Earth. There's no need to feel sorry for yourself. This is an emotionally difficult situation for any woman to be in. It is important that you take the time needed to heal emotionally. It is also important to take the time you need to heal physically before trying again.
Here are some steps you can take to help yourself cope with the loss:
1. Acknowledge and give yourself space to grieve
People who have gone through this journey understand what it means to lose an embryo in a failed cycle. It is devastating to lose something which could have eventually been your baby. People might say all sorts of things like it wasn't even a baby, and you can try again, this has happened to many people, but it's not easy to overlook everything and just go on with life as if nothing happened.
But there are some things you have to do to preserve yourself from further breaking down:
Acknowledge that your IVF cycle failed after all the effort you put into it mentally, physically and financially.
Give yourself that space to feel sad, and cry if you want.
Go for walks, take long baths.
Look into your inner strength and tell yourself this definitely is a road bump and you are resilient.
Don't forget that everyone's grieving process is different and this is your journey, so take one step at a time.
2. Talk to your partner
You definitely will be feeling more impact mentally and physically but having said that it will not be easy for your partner also. Because for him along with the loss, he has to see you in so much pain. He would also be constantly thinking of ways to comfort you but at the same time, he also needs comforting. Sit with him, talk to him, go out and do things you both love to do together. IVF is a long process and it can affect your relationship if not taken care of.
3. Try not to blame yourself and trust the process
Failed IVF cycle can leave us shattered and we try to rethink all the things that could have been done differently to achieve a positive outcome. This overthinking can give you sleepless nights and in return negatively impact your health which is not good for your next cycle.
Instead, sit with your partner and note down all the questions you would want to ask your doctor about the next cycle's strategy, and any additional tests that have to be done. This will give you more control over your situation and you will feel more confident and less anxious.
4. Avoid rushing into anything
It is totally understandable that you would want to take some conclusive decision because such difficult situations leave us vulnerable and we tend to lose objectivity. And at the same time, you might come across so many suggestions from your family members, friends and people around you. Take a step back, and think through. Listen to what your doctor advises you and then only take any major decision.
5. Take a break if you want to
There is nothing more important than your physical and mental health. You can take a gap between your cycles, this will give you more time to recoup. Take up activities like yoga, meditation, watching movies, walking the dog, gardening etc. Enjoy the happy aspects of your life.
6. Emotional Triggers
There will always be people posting pictures of their ultrasounds, baby bumps or babies. You can mute these people for a while, there is nothing wrong with it. It doesn't make you a bad person. It's called self-preservation.
We hope that this blog will help you feel less alone in your feelings. If you ever need someone to talk to or just need some support, please join us on our forums. We are here for you.